Running on and Running in the midst of the helpless. A life of spinning, spinning wheels.
I am a 20-something worker whose only place to be right now is in this tiny room in Tokyo. I used to work in an office until about a year ago, when the virus spread and my coworkers switched to telecommuting one by one, and eventually the whole office disappeared. The outside world was no longer a place for me, and my own problems were getting worse and worse. The world, and myself, had changed, all the while believing that one day it would end. The world was in tatters, and workers were at the mercy of the world. Even with consumer activity severely restricted, somehow stock prices jumped up as if they were happy after both the Dow and Nikkei plummeted.

It makes me think. When we celebrated the arrival of the new era with the words "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, "令和" REIWA, why did I feel a kinship with a prime minister who claims to have worked in a cardboard factory? And why is it that gifted people born with high education and high intelligence make enormous? I found myself being taken for a ride in a competition that had no answers, such as examinations and job hunting. We have always been asked to be who we are. We are made to think that being stronger, smarter, and richer is good, and we are made to feel as if we have to conform. But why am I running when I am not even good enough? 

I am not sure how much thinking power I have left in this situation. I want you to tell me what to do, I want it to be easy. It seems that AI, which is going to surpass humans in the future, will collect data and tell us what is optimal and make our decisions easier. It will tell us what a better, optimal, happy you is. It's going to make it easier, thank you. That's what some gifted people have programmed us to do. I can't make ethical decisions, but people can Google the meaning of life and find the results. It is capitalism gone too far, at great cost. Who in the world has created a system that is so convenient for the disparity? What can we talk about in such a society? 

But I have to run anyway. The addictive substance tempts those who keep on running. Alcohol, cigarettes, and those crazy sweet and lovely sweets that line the convenience store shelves. I thought that I shouldn't drown myself in such things, so I began to make them to clear my hazy mind. I wonder how many people know that many people suffer from alcoholism and drug addiction as a result of their desperation not to fall out of the world. That it is hard not to be addicted to something.

I want to value human beings thinking ethically, like human beings. To not be afraid to make decisions, to remember that we are dying. Sometimes we don't want immediate answers, but to pray, to make, to struggle in this interesting world.

The COVID disaster made me sick. I believe my body "made" me sick so that I could get out of this world. I can honestly say it has been a lot easier. I just want to keep creating.
Thank you world. Thank you so much this wonderful material world.